I am getting married to a lapsed Muslim man with a very strict Mother!?

The problem is I want to wear a pale pink gown with bougainvillea flowers in my head-dress and she says they are "flowers of the gutter". She also says I have to convert. I don't really mind converting...but she is just so strict and rude. I think she will be an awful mother-in-law, but I do love my husband-to-be and I want everything to work out. Any ideas?

I am getting married to a lapsed Muslim man with a very strict Mother!?
It is your wedding and your life with your Husband she should feel honoured to be involved in your plans and if she wants to make vile comments then let them go over your head because they will only wound her in the end.


Wear what the hell you like, I think your choice is beautiful and aren't all flowers the work of God/Allah? As far as I am aware bougainvillea existed long before gutters. She just sounds like a bitter old troll who should be paid no heed until she learns that respect is a two way street.
Reply:The old saying goes that "You are not marrying just him. You are marrying into his family".





You know how they are before you get married, so you need to think long and hard about your future ahead with his family. Whether you decide to marry him or not is only your choice and business to make.





However, you knew ahead of time there is trouble even before you two got married.





I honestly think you should be an adult and tell her you appreciate her honesty, but you are making the choices for yourself. If you want to wear a head dress and pink gown and stay with your religion, then that is how it goes.





Because she says "you have to" doesn't mean you have to. Just means she strongly wants you to, but you are your own women to decide what you want, no what someone else wants.





Just know that what you do, seems it won't please her all the time. So, have to limit the pleasement if you want to be a part of his family and the pleasement of yourself to stay true to yourself.





She might be strict and rude as that is her up bringing, her culture.





Even if you love him dearly, this is his family and this is something you have to accept or walk away from.





Only you can decide.





Have a talk with your husband to be on his status and see where his support is.
Reply:Nobody can give you advice you know in your own mind what is best for you and what you have to do. Have conviction in your own beliefs and be strong you have the rest of your life before you.





Good luck.
Reply:tell her to ***** off and gauge his reaction.....if he sticks up for her run a mile.
Reply:run like the wind, your marrying the whole family and blood is thicker than water
Reply:Do you realise what you're letting yourself in for? When you marry someone you don't just marry them, you marry their family and culture aswell. Are these the people you want in your life forever? I've always been under the impression that people of the Muslim faith are very strict and immovable in their beliefs so you have to consider the possibility that whatever you do, there will always be a huge gulf between you culturally which may well never close. If you are prepared to accept that fact then you could compromise and have a dual-cultured ceremony where half is traditional and the other half is Muslim. That way, both cultures are celebrated and (hopefully) everyone is happy! Sounds weird I know but I've seen it done before.
Reply:Who r u marrying here? Him or his mother? U wear what u want at yr wedding, this is yr day, not hers. Do not let her bully, control and dominate u. Doesn't your fiance say anything to her? Maybe that should tell u something about him and his family. Think carefully.
Reply:How will everything work out when you have to change to keep her happy....your happiness first I say so do what you think is right. If he is lapsed why not elope to Gretna Green and be done with it.
Reply:I wouldn't convert for any reason, unless I actually believed in that religion. That is a major change, and you shouldn't do it just to appease your future mother in law.





Your fiance needs to be a man and tell his mother what's up. She can have her say in certain things ("Do you like this wedding cake? Do you like these centerpieces? Etc.), but she should not make the decisions for you. Your husband-to-be definitely needs to sit her down and talk to her, explaining that you have different beliefs than she does, seeing as how you grew up in different cultures and with different beliefs.





Good luck with her (and the wedding, of course)!
Reply:hire a serial killer and kill her. god she needs someone to sort her facts right. whenever shes rude to you be rude back. and seem like u dnt care if she got offended or not. maybe she will change. and also converting, u dnt have to if u dnt want to
Reply:I got married to a Muslim man and converted - it smoothed the wheels enormously (I'm not religious in any way, I just opened my mouth and said the words, but it seemed to keep his family happy). However, my mother in law is a wonderful woman (she's white, her hubby is Asian), so I don't have the issues that you have. However, once you convert, her feelings may change towards you - you'll be demonstrating a commitment not only to her son, but also to their religion, which they hold very important.





Smile and agree with what she says, and just do what you want. "Oh, that's an interesting idea, I'll bear it in mind," is a good phrase to use, before doing exactly as you want. Don't forget that you're marrying him, not his mother, you'll be living in your own home (I hope!) and eventually you'll have children (if that's part of the plan), so she'll come around, if she wants to see her grandkids!





Wear the pale pink, adorn yourself with flowers and enjoy your day - I'm sure you'll look stunning - and just ignore her! Congratulations!
Reply:sorry to say this, but if i were you i'd get out while i can...sounds like she is a controlling witch and you will have to put up with her more and more and more in the future...and as your children's grandmother...do you really love him THAT much??
Reply:tell her to shut up the ******* ..... *****,ok
Reply:In my opinion you are heading for some very unpleasant sessions and situations. It is best to get out now but if you are determined to go ahead now is the time to assert your authority and find out how you future husband is going to react. . It is your marriage do what you want at the wedding and in the marriage. Be strong.
Reply:be careful it wont be easy but if u love him that much i will get though anything. trust me!!!!


goodluck and hope it all go's well for u.
Reply:Yeah, starting with DON'T CONVERT! It's not about the religion..it's about the fact that she is forcing you to do stuff right now and you're not even married yet. Remember, you are an independent adult woman, and that means that you make decisions for yourself. Nobody makes them for you. If you let her tell you what to do then that will set the tone for the rest of your marriage, and that would definitely be a terrible way to try to love somebody. If you truly want to convert anyways then do so of your own accord, not hers. If you want to wear a certain dress for your wedding then do so. It is not her wedding. It is your wedding!





You really have to lay down the law if you want her to respect you as a person, otherwise she'll walk all over you. I don't know what your husbands stance is on everything but if he loves you then he will respect your decisions even if they conflict with his mothers wishes.





I think what you are experiencing right now is a culture shock. Maybe now would be a good time to do some research on arabic culture so you can see what sort of place in the family they would have for you. It's better to learn things now than later when it is too late.





Good luck to you.
Reply:I hope you realise that if this marriage fails, your children could be taken out the country to one where women have no rights, including custody,and you will have to hire someone to kidnap them at great risk for you to get them back. Please think very carefully. This woman will make your life hell in every aspect of your life, including how you raise your children. You do not have to convert.
Reply:Well the answer is very simple.


Once you convert yourself to Islam, I'm sure you will find a change in the attitude of your mother - in - law.


Presently you may say that she's a bit too suspicious about your conversion.


About the Bougainvillea flowers I believe that you have to wear it only on the wedding day. Otherwise there shouldn't be a problem. She's not gonna ask you to put them everyday. It's just a matter of a few hours.


All the best for your future
Reply:a former Muslim woman who has now converted to being a Jew for my own personal reasons...get ready to be controlled by your new husband! That is what they do when you marry them because they see you as ownership, not a loving wife.